It’s been a very long time since I’ve done one of these.  I often do some sort year-end thing as well.  I got started on this train of thought watching an episode of Rome.  One girl’s dress is called “vulgar” at a party and she evidently overhears it because in the next scene, at home after, she is holding the dress up, looking at it “I don’t understand what was wrong with it.”

Honestly? I thought it was lovely.  But.. I could have explained to her what was wrong with it.

Yes, I started with the bad. It’s more fun.  This dress is fine. The wearer is the problem.  I honestly had no idea who this girl was.  Quick Google search for me! And I’m seeing the same issues over and over as I glance over her photos. Not terribly photogenic, horrid makeup choices and in this photo, REALLY BAD TAN.  Usually I’m willing to blame things like the tan and horrible make up on her stylist.  But since her lipstick crimes happen over and over, I don’t think it has anything to do with her stylist. That’s all her.

I feel that Angelina has gotten so thin, she’s lost all semblance of attractiveness.  That being said, I think she’d make any ‘well dressed” list.  She almost always looks both beautifully dressed and correct.  Yawnsville.

Conversely,  here is one that is so predictable in her utter lack of any taste, that it’s almost boring, too.  Almost.  At least with Rihanna, it’s fun to see what she’s going to do next.  It’s like GhettoFabulous, minus the Fabulous.  Sweetie? just because something is expensive and “designer,”  does not mean it is good in any way.

Yes. I have a huge hard-on for anything to do with the Royals, I admit that freely.  However, Kate *always* looks good.  She’s relatively new, though, so I won’t claim to find her boring.

Julianne has always vaguely irked me.  In my head she has always been the queen of that whole  little crowd of actresses that seem to cultivate looking FrumpGirl as a pretentious little habit.  As though, going out of one’s way to dress unstylish and (yes, often) bad somehow gives them more depth.  Newsflash: you can not wash your hair all you like, refuse to wear unwrinkled clothing, and take yourself as seriously as you possibly can; you will always have been in “Big Lebowski,” “Boogie Nights”, and “The Hand that Rocked the Cradle”.  So get over yourself.

I would normally stick Beyoncé on my list of well dressed celebs, but doing it pregnant definitely gets her on the list.   While I do get that for most women, it would be an accomplishment to look stylish and put together on that scale consistently while knocked up.   But its not that impressive of a feat if you already happen to be Beyoncé, too.  I refuse to be super amazed that she used all the limitless money, stylist, and taste at her disposal to pull herself together.  And since I’m on the subject:  Jesus, I’m bored with that pregnancy.   We get it.  She’s going to have a baby.  You’d think her name was Mary.

As the years pass, I’ve come to regard Christina as this generation’s Cher.  “If I don’t dress completely outlandishly, no one will notice me at all” And that often seems to entail as little clothing as possible.  Who doesn’t want to look sexy? Most everyone, I think.   A few less want to consistently dress “trashy whore,”  but Christina may have cornered the market with “Prostitute With Alzheimer’s”  …. Bitch? Where are your pants?

Honestly- I don’t like this dress at all.  But, I get what is going on there and Anne still manages to pull it off.  She almost always looks lovely.  Really, not a lot to say except she just looks so good almost every time one sees a photo, that I have to love her!

Ok, it gripes me that I am using her. But she consistently looks so bad, I feel it would be wrong to not.   Again, I’m going to say the problem is simply a lack of style and taste.  I have seen Kim look incredibly cute, but almost every outfit she is photographed in seems to be motivated by “How short and tight can it be?” which leaves her consistently looking shorter and dumpier than she actually is.  The Gucci she is wearing in that picture above me is a double crime.  1. It’s an ugly-ass dress. 2. It looks ridiculous on her.

I had always counted Kirsten as one of the ickiest dressers that has ever been AND she was firmly one of THOSE bitches (See Julianne Moore). I’m not sure what has happened to her over the last while. Perhaps she realized that nothing will ever be as cool or earn her more money as  “Bring it On” and that made her realize “fuck the frump, man” But I am digging it! Now when I see a picture of her, I fully expect her to look right. YOU GO, GIRL!

I probably should have just said “Who has taste and who does not?”   That does seems to be what I was on about today.  It’s not even about style really. Because that would have been an entirely different list.  And honestly? I feel absolutely confident in my sense of taste. But I do wonder about my sense of style.  Perhaps that should be something I think about in 2012. Style? DO I HAVE ANY?

Four mentally disabled adults had deep gashes, wounds and scars all over their bodies when they were rescued from a locked room in a Philadelphia basement, according to photographs of the victims shown in court Monday.

Spectators gasped when the grim pictures were displayed at the preliminary hearing of 51-year-old Linda Weston, a paroled killer charged with kidnapping and abusing the rail-thin victims to get their government benefit checks. Her daughter, boyfriend and friend also have been charged in the case.

Prosecutors accused Weston of running the benefit-fraud scheme in several states from 2002 until her October arrest, which came after a landlord stumbled on the captives in a fetid basement room. One man, Herbert Knowles, was found chained to a boiler.

So it appears this bitch stock piled retards to get their benefits. I read elsewhere that she ttly made her family members get it on so they’d have babies and could get welfare.

Nice, huh?

APARTMENT FOR FOUR, COMING RIGHT UP!

That actually seems a LOT of work.  Rounding up retards, getting them on board, capturing them, “maintaining” them, and getting their paperwork happening so one gets ‘dat money’.   Seems like working a job would probably be less taxing in the long haul.  Beating humans with sticks is strenuous, right?

The title for his debut album is an umbrella term for a recurring setup of Engvall’s, in which Engvall describes people who ask questions to which the answers should be obvious, and in the process, Engvall shows these people to be stupid. With the tag, “Here’s Your Sign”, Engvall then metaphorically gives these people a sign declaring their stupidity as a warning to others interacting with this person.

We’ve all had “here’s your sign” moments – I’m willing to admit that as often as I’ve “handed out the sign,” I could have been handed one just as many times. Luckily, I  am struggling to find an example of the latter.  I have no doubts I could ask any number of people and they could come up with one quickly, but I’m fine with just leaving those moments in the past.  As to the former, I remember when my ex and I got married. We’ve got all these people with us and we’re walking thru the casino …him in a tux, me in a white dress carrying flowers.  *SEVERAL* people stopped us – “oh!!!!!!!!! Are you getting married?”   After about the 4th time, yes, I totally admit I was completely “What? Oh no..lol.We just ran out of clean clothes.”

I don’t even need to be imbibed with the Christmas Spirit to see that “Ok, yeah, kind of bitchy there, Hooker”  I will own that. But SO FRUSTRATING to deal with absolutely obvious questions even when I realize that people are asking only cuz they are interested or whatever..

Which brings me to my point. I am listening along and Engvall is in his schtick ..which in this case was “HOLIDAY HERE’S YOUR SIGNS”  …

Somewhere in the list he’s talking about decorating the exterior of his house with blinky Christmas lights.  The setup is that the neighbor walked over and said “Say, how do you get those things to blink like that?”  and that earned him “oh my son stands there and plugs and unplugs it over and over. Here’s Your Sign.”

That irritated me immediately.  I do not see how that was a “stupid”, “the answer should be obvious” question.  I mean, I get that some interior lights have a little fuse kind of deal that makes them blink, but not all of them. I think that was an entirely fair question.   I absolutely do not believe that there are no such thing as stupid questions.  There are millions of them.  But if the answer is not obvious, it’s not stupid.  And the sign should go to the answerer:  “I am an asshole.”

I feel like there are a million jokes inherent to this story. But for the moment, I can not think of any of them.  Dodger, an elderly feline, hops on a public bus and makes the rounds in England.

“Sometimes he just sits in the middle of the road and waits for the bus to turn up before he gets on.”

Other cats would get run over for similar.

As I think about this, I have the Toonces song running thru my head. I think cats should ride the bus rather than drive.  It’s much safer for everyone.

There really isn’t much to say to this.  I do wish I could remember how to directly link videos.  I seem to have forgotten.  Which isn’t really the point.

Dude gets it. I just wish it were today.

Seriously?  This bitch had no better way to kill an afternoon than get inside a horse?

The way I understand this story: Firstly,  it was like..her family’s horse? But since she was like.. the caretaker, it was hers, for all intents and purposes.  The horse was 32.  That’s …like really old for a horse, I think.  So she takes her own old and sick horse,  puts it down very humanely and then she..plays with the corpse.  That’s really the story, I believe.

This is one of those times where it’s super hard to mind one’s own business.  Crazy or not, it does not appear she was doing anything illegal?  I personally find it less *crazy* than desperate attention whoring.  but I don’t think she needs to die or anything cuz of it.   To me, it’s more crazy to make such a HUGE deal about it.

I’m not trying to say I don’t think it’s fucked up.  I am just trying to say ‘within the boundaries of the law, it’s her prerogative to be fucked up.”

It was a mess when the Suicide Pumpkins were leaping to their death from a moving truck the other day.  The Detroit area was the ultimate target of the evil gourds’  plot of terror and mayhem.   Disguised as normal vegetables, these depraved vegetables allowed themselves to be loaded onto a truck for transport.  Once on the interstate, though, their nefarious plans manifested quickly.  Luckily no one was hurt, just a few broken windshields.

The driver is being made to take the fall with a small fine.  Cleary, he was in collusion to the plot, but he was not the leader.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Filed under: A Picture Paints a 1000 Words, Crazy ]]> http://laylay.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/suicide-pumpkins/feed/ 0 laylay Pumpkin Army Jack http://laylay.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/big-brother-is-monitoring/ http://laylay.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/big-brother-is-monitoring/#comments Mon, 31 Oct 2011 00:53:25 +0000 Layla http://laylay.wordpress.com/?p=493 ]]> “Big Brother Is Watching”  is a pretty common term and usually uttered with a great deal of negativity.   Sometimes I feel like not only is Big Brother watching, but actively involving Himself.  And sometimes, that’s probably a positive thing.

A little earlier today,   Mr L and I are chatting a little on MSN.  He’s on his phone and I’m feeling bleh and flopped on the couch on my babylaptop.   Today’s topic was “nothing in particular” and sometimes, that exact warm idle banter is exactly the ticket for an icky mood.

We hit on the topic of coffee and I mention earlier sipping a General Foods International Coffee.  Orange Cappuccino flavour, to be specific.   Yes, I realize that not all of my topics are scintillating. So I’m chattering away about GFIC.

Anyway- I’m happily nattering.  Explaining what it is and how much I like it and then a long post about which exact flavours I have.  This is where Big Brother stepped in.

(6:14:30 PM) layla: i have the orange cap, cafe francais, vanilla cap, kahula cafe, and mayan mocha or some such

(6:15:16 PM) Message could not be sent because a connection error occurred:
Microsoft would have us believe that there was suddenly a connection error.  I do not think that’s what happened.  I believe that Big Brother suddenly decided my conversation was too boring to continue.  I think that message from MSN was a polite way of saying “Ninja plz.  If that’s the best you can do conversationally, you don’t even get to talk to him. “

Some times, its nice to get a little nudge.  “step up your conversational game.”  But it’s also a little startling when the nudge comes unexpectedly. Like from God.

There really wasn’t a ton of stuff that I hated.  I don’t usually keep that after a listen.  But there was a lot of stuff that I had to be honest and admit to myself, “you really don’t like this. “   Some of  what I tossed was sentimental; like I realized I was keeping it because of one person or another.   Sentimentality is all fine and good, but I’m always concerned with my space quotient.  Truth be told, I have a 300 gig ext HD for music and those 1500 tracks barely freed 6 gigs up.  I still have over 240 gigs free.  Realistically- I could have kept every track and I’d never run out of space for my music.

So yeah, it wasn’t really about the space.  I think I just didn’t want a bunch of crap that reminds me of this or that person hanging around that I’m only going to skip when it turns up in my random, anyway.   Not just with caring about a person’s music because I care about a person, but I was thinking today about how strongly music is tied to emotions.

I always say that a song that makes me cry is a good song.   Normally, it would be because I could personally identify with some aspect of that song.  But a great song, in my opinion, is one that even though I really do not have a real frame of reference, I can still feel the emotions the song is conveying and I still cry to it.

It made me remember a moment when all of these kind of made for a bad situation.   See, my exboss and her girlfriend and I used to hang out most every Saturday.  We’d go to the lesbian bar and then we’d come back to my place and continue the drinking til the wee hours of the morning. We’d generally just hang out, shoot the shit, and take turns ‘playing DJ’.  This particular Saturday wasn’t much different except I was a bit more subdued than normal.   The guy I was seeing then,  we’ll call him K, had been on a bit of leave to see me and was getting ready to leave for Iraq any moment.

So Everything was rolling along pretty much as usual.  Boss and I were sprawled on the couch, girlfriend was on the floor near my stereo,  demanding to be DJ.  “I feel like you’ve been down all night, Lay, and we know you miss K.  We miss him too. You know what? I have JUST the song for you.  It will cheer you right up!”

She rummaged through their shit and makes a big deal of keeping which cd it is a secret, until that traveling soldier song started playing.  In case you don’t happen to be familiar with it, I included it for you.

Ok, I really do NOT like to be around people when I am having an emotional *thing*- that shit is private.  But there I was. This song started playing and suddenly I was sobbing my ass off.  Girlfriend was completely oblivious.  Just smiling at me with this big puppy look cuz she’s so proud of herself.  Instead of joining in on her pride, I got pissed and kicked the puppy. Hard.

” HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND???? What in the name of God would possess you to put THIS song on for me TODAY? *WHAT* exactly about this bastard dying in Vietnam is supposed to CHEER ME UP?”

Exboss was sitting there just kind of looking back and forth at us like she’s watching a  tennis match.  “Srsly, Girlfriend, what was going through your head?”  “I don’t know.. I just thought… Layla always says she would like stuff that we like just cuz we like it and we LOVE this song. It’s so beautiful. Oh MY GOD I’M SO SORRY”  and then she started sobbing, too.

So, yes.  Music can change moods and quickly. Music can make you remember good and bad times.  And getting rid of music that came from people you don’t remember fondly can be awesome!

Today I was driving home, I was thinking I needed to write since it had been a couple of weeks since I really had. I had myself all worked up with a rant.  I was super into it, too.  Talking aloud and everything.  But then the radio caught my attention.  My comedy radio station likes to do “news stories”  and make a couple of  jokes about them.  But this one caught my attention because it was not “News.”

Or rather, because it was incredibly old news.

MIAMI – A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said Thursday.
One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said.
The woman then phoned the Broward County Sheriff’s Office, and the suspect fled. He was arrested at another woman’s apartment in the same Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood on Wednesday, a sheriff’s spokesman said.
The white-haired suspect, Philip Winkoff, carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital.
“He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams,” sheriff’s spokesman Hugh Graf said in a statement.
At least two women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes, and he fondled and sexually assaulted them, the investigators said.
Winikoff was not a doctor, Graf said. He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership.

I knew this was old news because I remember being completely slayed by the story. I also remember very clearly writing about the story. In 2006. I wish I had saved this story when I moved my shit from one blog to this one. But I’ve never forgot it. The thing that remains most clear to me was that the woman that eventually alerted the authorities did so because he was not wearing gloves.  THAT was what made her suspicious. She had already agreed to the exam. It wasn’t about that he groped her in other places, That seems  just added in as it passes through the years.

I also remember being of the opinion, if some 76-year-old bastard, was willing to put that much effort into getting some tit, I’m not sure that I’d tell him no.

What kills me about this is (as usual) the ‘journalism’ …I heard the radio broadcast and I got all in tither about it. So I run in here to jump on the internet. I find articles that were within the week or whatever, but they kept going backwards to around the time the original story happened. It seems someone recently talked about it as though it were “new” news and then the whole world grabbed hold of it.

Anyway- So now I’ve bitched about bad journalism again and that makes me feel pretty good. Getting to bring this story up again makes me pretty happy as well. All these years later, and I still think its awesome and I’m kind of sad he went to jail.