But is it Art? part 1.

Sydney Police Shutdown Exhibition

Australian police have shutdown a photographic exhibition that includes images of naked children amid complaints that the pictures breach child pornography laws, a spokeswoman said Friday

CRIMINAL investigations into Bill Henson have widened to include previous work by the controversial photographer, after police received complaints about several Henson works on display at a regional gallery

We’re questioning what is art and what is pornography? Bill Henson is an established photographer, one of the “Foremost Artists of Australia” and now the subject of a criminal investigation of indecency and child pornography.  I have linked the story that has a photo of one of the pictures in question because I don’t want to be labeled a pornographer, too! 

When did nudity in and of itself become pornography? How many nudes hang in The Louvre? The Met? The National Gallery? Which of the great masters do not have a classic nude that most anyone would at least recognize on sight? Da Vinci, Rubens, Cezanne, Manet, Monet, Michelangelo, Titian.  What makes theirs art and not porn?

 How many of our parents do not have that humiliating nude photo that they LOVED to show to our dates and company?  Generally these pictures involved a bathtub or a some odd little rug.  My mother has one of me and more than once i’ve ooo’ed and “ohhh! you can see his little thing!” when a boyfriend’s mother has whipped out THAT picture to show me.  Seriously. Why isn’t that child pornography?

Anne Geddes. She has naked children in her photos. Naked babies, in fact.  Why isn’t her stuff pornography? If just because we have a naked picture, then BAM! Pornography!, then shouldn’t her stuff be removed from public view?  How many bathrooms in America are decorated with this Child Pornography?  Bathrooms of good church going people.  In highschool, we went to my paster’s house for ..something. There was an Anne Geddes potty. 

I love Anne Geddes, actually.  Several years ago, I wanted a whole themed bathroom, too. I didn’t refrain because of the pornography angle, though.   It was more so because I was a single girl in my late twenties dating a lot and I didn’t want to terrify the men who might use my restroom with a VISUAL CONFIRMATION of “Longing For A Baby.”   No matter that I could have said “Look, Dude. I don’t even want a baby. The shit is just CUTE!” That was actually how I felt. I knew, though, that it wouldn’t matter. He would think “mantrap” because of my “explicit images of forbidden desires”….OH! Hey! PORNO! Guess I DID refrain from it cuz of the porno angle, after all, huh?

Are Henson’s photographs actually bad and exploiting children and dirty and WRONG?  Or are we simply worried that “OH MY GOD “SOMEONE” MIGHT SEE AND FIND THEM SEXUALLY AROUSING?”   Kind of like my random shoe above this paragraph; only truthfully, i’m more *hopeful* of a random retifist’s arousal than “worried”.  Are his photos actually harming anyone or are we willing to censor art because a few people might be inappropriately aroused by the portrayal of the subject? It’s sad that there are sick and wrong people in this world that find sexual gratification in things that have no place in a healthy person’s menu of desires. However, the vast majority do not. I believe that most people would simply see it as an artistic expression.  If Hansen’s photos are condemned as indecent and pornographic, who will the “decency police” next target?   

Big Brother, Kindergarten Style

Kindergarten Votes Student Out Of Class

After each classmate was allowed to say what they didn’t like about Barton’s 5-year-old son, Alex, his Morningside Elementary teacher Wendy Portillo said they were going to take a vote, Barton said.

By a 14 to 2 margin, the students voted Alex — who is in the process of being diagnosed with autism — out of the class.

It appears this teacher has watched a little too much reality tv. He’d been sent to the principal’s office. Again. Only this time when he returned, he was made to stand at the front of the classroom and everyone was encouraged to say why they didn’t like him. Then they voted him ‘off the island.”

What a cute little boy. You can just look at him, though, and see that he’s a monster. He just looks… bad. He has that Eddie Munster thing going on.  He also looks just like one of my nephews.

I have issues with this.  In fact, I feel as though it’s pretty fucked up.  Firstly, the *grownups* on reality shows VOLUNTEER for it. He wasn’t really given a choice in his participation.  I find myself without any idea what could have possibly been done as an alternative, but i feel very strongly that this is not what should have happened.

I’m going to slightly shift the subject for a moment while I contemplate suggestions for a less scarring discipline for a badly behaving child:

The Comments:

As is the case with most newstories, the comment section is often much better than the story itself.  The 23 paragraph diatribe by someone without any idea how to spell. Anything.  The very odd militant posters who are always so very angry.  Oft times i feel like their anger isn’t even about the subject matter of the original article.  This particular section had a very special comment.  It was dreamy and surreal and included a whole little ..collage of Kurt Cobain/Nirvana links.  I am not at all sure why a youtube video of “Lake of Fire” is the slightest bit relevant?   But this is why i say “Comments” sections are never to be missed.

 

A Cheeseburger is the New Maserati

175 Dollar Cheeseburger

The Richard Nouveau - from the Wall Street Burger Shoppe, natch - comes topped with a blizzard of real gold flakes, plus 25 grams of black truffles, a seared slab of foie gras and an aged Gruyere typically reserved for a high-class cheese tray.

I have to admit, that while I get righteously indignant about these over priced food stories; i also love them. It fascinates me endlessly that people would charge that much for a sandwich. Even more titillating for me, is that people PAY that much for said sandwich.  I just boggle when I think at 15 percent? you’d tip the waiter 26 bucks and that’ s assuming you didn’t order anything to drink.

Two hundred dollars for dinner is a lot.  I’m not sophisticated and jaded enough to be unimpressed by that.  In my world, that’s a very nice restaurant.  That’s BOTH people eating and sharing a bottle of wine.  If I’m to be totally honest, that’s less than 5 times in my life so far.  Here? That’s one cheeseburger.

I suppose there are people that would feel my $200 dinner date was no more impressive than if he took me to McDonald’s.  I understand.   I’ve felt snobbish when friends of mine have raved about their dinner date to the fancy restaurant the night before.  They chatter until they run out of oxygen and when they pause to suck some in, I’ve asked “where did you go?”  “Olive Garden and blah blah blah ” and there they go again! My badness is when i think privately “Wow.  Not impressed at all.” It’s not that I have a problem with Olive Garden. I love Olive Garden. I just don’t think of it as that fancy of a restaurant.  For me, there is no ..decadence in going to Olive Garden. The tiramisu is sinful but…that’s another blog. 

I think part of the reason I get my panties all assunder about this cheeseburger, is the decadence angle. There is none. It’s a fucking CHEESEBURGER. You know the guy ordering this will be some asshat douchebag who’s all “look how rich I am. I can afford this!” in his little offcenter ballcap.  And yes, I said “guy;” because this is a guy thing.  And this, unlike some of the other status foods Ive blogged about, is something the guy WILL order for himself.  I’ve said in other blogs that he orders these things (usually for the date) to “ensure that there will be fucking.”  I still hold that to be true.  Only in this instance, he gets to be the one to wolf down the status symbol.

I am ok with exorbitant indulgences in the name of decadence.  I understand that foie gras is so expensive because of the labor and the scarcity.  It’s also just THAT fucking good.  I also understand that some people have the means in which to indulge and others of us, not so much. The elitism is just part of the thrill.  Aside from wishing I was one of those people, I’m ok with that too. 

Maserti made 50 MC12’s.  They sold for 700,000 dollars each. Granted, it’s a racing car, but my point is: there were 50 of them.  This cheeseburger is the edible equivalent of taking a Toyota Tercel and blinging it out with 30,000 dollars of extra crap. Yeah, he pimped his ride. Yeah, he’s The Man. But…….at the end of the day, he still has a Toyota Tercel.

Don’t Get Testy.

Icelandic Phallological Museum

Sigurdur Hjartarson is founder and owner of the Icelandic Phallological Museum, which offers visitors from around the world a close-up look at the long and the short of the male reproductive organ

His collection, which began in 1974 with a single bull’s penis that looked something like a riding crop, now boasts 261 preserved members from 90 species.

“I hope visitors leave the museum in a better mood than when they arrived,”

I’m finding myself wondering if it would be strange for a man to wander through there looking at removed penes? I’d think so. I imagine it’d be like taking his pet parrot with him to Kentucky Fried Chicken?

It also suprises me that the museum itself is run by a man.  It seems a rather female thing to do, not to mention the fact that everyone of us has our own personal, albeit private penis museum.  Unless ones name is Lorena B.; I, of course, am speaking metaphorically. 

I would assume that the majority of our museum is mental; although, there could be pictures or other mementos (Plaster of Paris molds?). I would assume that most women are like me and the majority of our museum is in our heads.  And we also have mounted displays.

an elephant penis nearly 1 meter long that hangs, stuffed and mounted on a wooden board, in the museum’s “foreign section.”

I have nothing even remotely that interesting in my “foreign section.” But I do have little mental alcoves for “Biggest”, “Smallest”, “Most Talented”; all chicks do.  This museum is better than my museum because the website has a detailed catalog of every..specimen. I used to.  I lost my list.  My museum is in serious disarray.  I guess I fail at curating my own private “Penis Museum,” but most of the time, I was more into what was attached to the penis. 

 

 

Dark and Dirty Food Fantasies

Oreos! Oreos! EVERYWHERE!

A Trailor truck hitting a median outside of Chicago, has 14 tons of Double Stuff Oreos spill out on both sides of the highway.  Was it raining oreos?  I see this.  So clearly.  There was enough oreo debris  that it closed both directions of traffic while:

while authorities remove the cookies

In my mind, donuts have suddenly been replaced by oreos. You know exactly what i mean.  You know the cops ate some.  Hell, I’d think the motorists would have, too.  I would be less than honest if I didn’t admit that when I was thinking about this, I thought “Wow.  That would have been a great day!” 

I just admitted a food fantasy.  It wasn’t sexual, yet it wasn’t …unsexual, either.  I hadn’t ever thought about ”food thoughts” in terms of fantasy before.  However, I feel as though I need to clarify: I don’t mean I was thinking about masturbating to an oreo or with an oreo.  Just that it was pretty damn pleasurable to be sitting here imagining being stuck in your one’s car and and nicking one of those packages and having a few double stuff oreos to pass the time.  It would seem, too, that even my food fantasies are twisted. Because even with something as harmless and friendly as an Oreo, my dark side rears it’s ugly head.  I am thinking 3 or 4 cookies, when suddenly I remember:

 

And for a split second, there it was in my head: that is me in the picture and it was “Death by Oreo.”

This is one of those “thought trains” that evolve as I type. I knew that I felt more inspired than just a couple of sentences about my lead story and “fuck yah! Oreos rock!” Without any real clue for a topic, i went where the muses took me.  Clicking randomly, I saw the phrase “Food Porn” and here we are.

Slashfood blogged about deepfried oreos: a popular fair and carnival food, it involves dipping an Oreo into a thick batter and popping it into a sizzling hot pot of oil. When pulled out, hot and crispy, they are topped with powdered sugar and served.

 

Occasionally There is Justice.

Cyber-Bully Indicted on Federal Charges

Most people who know me are well versed in my proclivity to make fun of news stories involving a crime.  For no other reason than that, in my opinion, they generally are funny.  Be it the method, the victim, the perpetrator, or the circumstances; so often with most crimes, there is a level of amusement for me.  Occasionally though, there is an event that truly does get to me.  These stories are the ones that affect me so deeply, I cry over them. I stay up at night turning it over and over in my head. The Megan Meier story is one of those. 

To give the backstory as succinctly as possible, Megan was a 13 year old girl with some problems.  She saw a therapist, she had a weight issue, and she was taking medication for depression, etc.  She was also a 13 year old girl: obnoxious. over dramatic. and prone to mood swings. No, I didn’t know her, but show me a 13 female who’s not those things and i bet she’s in a coma. SO ANYWAY….

She had a MySpace account that her mother monitored. She started getting messages from a “hot boy” named Josh.  They got friendly and then …..it stopped. One day, Josh no longer wanted to be friends with her.  They had words, culminating in an alleged message telling Megan that the world would be a better place without her.  Less than an hour later, she was dead.  She hanged herself in her closet from a belt. 

Her parents were sad that their troubled little girl had ended her life. And curiously, Josh’s account had been deleted.  Six weeks after Megan’s death, a neighbor informed them that Josh never existed. He was a character created simply to “mess with” Megan.  The mastermind of this scheme was Lori Drew.  The mother of a girl Megan’s age (see above “13-year olds” ) that shared a stormy on/off friendship with her.

This was a woman in her 40’s that was very well acquainted with the family, vacations together, time spent with Megan, given the daughters’ friendship.  She was well aware the problems that Megan suffered.  Perhaps I’m misunderstanding, but the impression the story left me with is that this grown-up woman in her 40’s wanted to take a very young girl who was messed up to start with, convince her that she had a ….net boyfriend and then JERK IT ALL AWAY FROM HER. OH! and let me not forget to mention that part of the plan, too, was to make sure there was an audience to witness Megan’s humiliation.  

La Tortura!

The Best Tortures Ever!!!!

Poire d’Angoisse. “The Pear of Anguish.” As the name inplies it was ..pear shaped.  Inserted into the mouth, vagina, or anus; the torturer would turn a screw that would open the four leaves. This was rarely used as an execution, more just as a punishment. It could simply tear the skin or completely destroy that orifice. 

Flaying, or skinning alive.  Generally, the removal began at the face and the victim was often dead before the flayer reached his waist. This is one of the oldest methods. and as pictured, even Michelangelo depicted it. And this may be incorrect, but I actually don’t think so. Michelangelo often inserted himself into his paintings. I believe the flayed victim is a little self portait.

The Brazen Bull. This one was an execution device invented by the ancient Greeks.  A huge hollow copper bull with a door in the side. The condemned was shoved inside and the door locked.  A fire was then built underneath and the poor bastard inside was roasted to death.  During the Greek times, they rigged a complicated series of tubes to channel and amplify the victims screams into the sound of a raging bull to further entertain the spectators.