Dark and Dirty Food Fantasies

Oreos! Oreos! EVERYWHERE!


A Trailor truck hitting a median outside of Chicago, has 14 tons of Double Stuff Oreos spill out on both sides of the highway.  Was it raining oreos?  I see this.  So clearly.  There was enough oreo debris  that it closed both directions of traffic while:

while authorities remove the cookies

In my mind, donuts have suddenly been replaced by oreos. You know exactly what i mean.  You know the cops ate some.  Hell, I’d think the motorists would have, too.  I would be less than honest if I didn’t admit that when I was thinking about this, I thought “Wow.  That would have been a great day!” 

I just admitted a food fantasy.  It wasn’t sexual, yet it wasn’t …unsexual, either.  I hadn’t ever thought about “food thoughts” in terms of fantasy before.  However, I feel as though I need to clarify: I don’t mean I was thinking about masturbating to an oreo or with an oreo.  Just that it was pretty damn pleasurable to be sitting here imagining being stuck in your one’s car and and nicking one of those packages and having a few double stuff oreos to pass the time.  It would seem, too, that even my food fantasies are twisted. Because even with something as harmless and friendly as an Oreo, my dark side rears it’s ugly head.  I am thinking 3 or 4 cookies, when suddenly I remember:

 death by oreos

And for a split second, there it was in my head: that is me in the picture and it was “Death by Oreo.”

This is one of those “thought trains” that evolve as I type. I knew that I felt more inspired than just a couple of sentences about my lead story and “fuck yah! Oreos rock!” Without any real clue for a topic, i went where the muses took me.  Clicking randomly, I saw the phrase “Food Porn” and here we are.

Slashfood blogged about deepfried oreos: a popular fair and carnival food, it involves dipping an Oreo into a thick batter and popping it into a sizzling hot pot of oil. When pulled out, hot and crispy, they are topped with powdered sugar and served.

 deep fried oreo

I love the phrase “food porn.”  I don’t dig the connotations, though: deepfried oreos are porn cuz they are so bad for you?  I could get on a soapbox and lecture about how porn can actually be a healthy means of expressing sexuality, and blah blah fucking blah.  I am just going to roll with it.  And say “food porn” cuz it’s so….naughty.  A dirty little indulgence.  However, ‘deep fried’ anything does nothing for me , but I get it.

If  deepfried oreos are the food porn; then casu marzu is the snuff film locked up in a metal case deep in a pervert’s closet.

maggot cheese

Derived from Pecorino Sardo, casu marzu goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would consider decomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the larvae of the cheese fly Piophila casei. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese, promoting an advanced level of fermentation and breaking down of the cheese’s fats. The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid (called lagrima, from the Sardinian for “tears”) seeping out.

Maggot cheese.  I pride myself  on my adventurous desire to try everything once.  Nuh-uh.  This time it is not happening.  When one of the dangers of this particular cheese is that a maggot could jump out of the cheese and into your eye causing an infection; I won’t even be eating nachos any time soon, let alone runny cheese crawling with bug larvae.

Perhaps “porn” is not a bad word to classify with, after all.  I feel dirty after thinking about the maggot cheese.  I feel all judgemental about it: “no one should eat that, EVER,” and distasteful as the idea is, clearly there is a fan base.

I want to go back to my sweet oreo fantasy. I would settle for gobbling oreos until I die. But now that I’ve polluted my head with the “Food Snuff Movie” ~I worry that I can’t go backand I will turn into the “Food Serial Killer” when the dirty thrill of the maggot cheese is not enough any longer.  Attempting to make my own disgusting delicacies to renew the thrill and then blaming it all on the cheese when I am finally captured. 


~ by Layla on May 19, 2008.

4 Responses to “Dark and Dirty Food Fantasies”

  1. Porn is no longer just “depiction of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual excitement”. It is also “depiction of an object or activity that is highly desired yet rarely acquired”. Example: http://hardware.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/09/23/0319256

  2. The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.

  3. I am not ok.

    Please, delete it now. For Yahoo.com

  4. Some times its a discomfort within the ass to read what weblog owners wrote but this internet web site is rattling user friendly :)!

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