Ever had someone you knew from the internet show you his/her picture? I always think it’s nice to put a face with a nick.  I generally do not refuse proffered pictures, but I am almost never an asker in regards to them.  Because for most of the online masses, I really don’t care what they look like.  And if I do, I generally figure, “if they want me to see them, they will offer it up”

Most times, people’s pictures make me smile when I see them. Because that’s them and that is my person and just… YAY!  There have been a couple of times, though, when it was disconcerting.  For me at least, I always have a mental picture of a person.  And I can think of a couple of times when the person looked so exactly like I had pictured them, that it was a little surreal.  A few other times, I have to admit, I have winced back from the screen when I saw faces.

The biggest problem with that response is, “What the hell do I say now???”  “Wow. Not only did you fall straight off the ugly tree, but clearly you hit every branch on your way to the ground”  is probably not the best response that has ever been given.  And call it a pet peeve, but I have issues with people who are shown a picture of someone and immediately start in  “Oh My God. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!”

It’s not compassion for the person (who isn’t beautiful)  in the picture.  No, it’s mostly cuz the “you are so fucking HOT” people have generally went on like that when I showed mine, so then I’m left thinking “Whoa.  She must think I’m a total hag.”


A million years ago, I came across that picture in some forwarded email.  Without even thinking about possible consequences, I immediately sent it to the person that I thought would most enjoy it.   I remember finding it very odd that I never heard a peep from him all day. Normally, he would have been on that picture like white on rice, all up in my AOL messenger.  But “ok, he must be busy, whatevs.”

Yeah, he was. I get home from work that afternoon, to the single largest block of text he ever left me.  He had got the picture from me and spent a good portion of the afternoon showing it to all his friends (incidentally, crazy hookers I hated) and telling them that “Miss BK Crown” was me.   And then he pasted those conversations in their entirety to me.

I would be lying if I claimed any real offense now. I was crying, I laughed so hard. I am fairly certain that none of them had ever seen me, cuz I have always tended to be a little cautious about how much personal information I give online.  So – really? Any offense was a bit of wounded pride.   I pretty much was on their lists, too, of  ‘crazy hookers they hated” so …. one would imagine, that yeah, the comments were a little hard-core.

None of the cunty “Hahaha! I am SO not surprised by that picture” kind of remarks actually bothered me.  Partly because it was just par for the course and partly because I know, had the tables been turned, I wouldn’t have been able to shake the belief that he was fucking with me. Because that was just how he rolled.

The one that actually got to me was “OMG _______, WHICH ONE IS SHE? CUZ LIKE THEY ARE BOTH SO PRETTY!!!! OH THE CROWN? OH SHE’S LOVELY!!!!!”

That one- yeah. I was reading along and stopped to yell at my monitor “NO, THAT’S NOT ME,  YOU CRAZY BITCH!”  For that one, though, he did come clean. “Yeah. No. That’s not Layla. ”


And that, lovely reader who hasn’t written this off as “TL:DR”, is my point. No one, not even the person in the picture, buys that “YOUR LOVELINESS ASTOUNDS ME!” shit.  They know.

~ by Layla on September 8, 2011.

2 Responses to “Pictures.”

  1. Holy crap how did you get my picture?

  2. Thanks for almost making me choke on breakfast. =>
    I remember this and how much it amused you and yeah, it WAS/STILL IS funny as hell to think about.
    When I get blindsided with one of those pics I generally try to look for ONE thing positive..maybe they have nice eyes, hair, smile, outfit…anything..and if not, I pick the least aesthetically offensive bit about them and run with that.
    Then I vent to you in PM the shit that FIRST came to mind and just get it out of my system.

    Oh and, btw…you ARE fucking hawt. 😉 <333

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