Staind Had To Go

Last night, I was cleaning out the external hard drive that I keep music on.  Ruthlessly cleaning out my music.  I got rid of over 1500 files last night.  It would have been a lot more but I couldn’t quite bring myself to be “ok. you like 1 song on this album, why do you need to keep the whole thing?”

There really wasn’t a ton of stuff that I hated.  I don’t usually keep that after a listen.  But there was a lot of stuff that I had to be honest and admit to myself, “you really don’t like this. ”   Some of  what I tossed was sentimental; like I realized I was keeping it because of one person or another.   Sentimentality is all fine and good, but I’m always concerned with my space quotient.  Truth be told, I have a 300 gig ext HD for music and those 1500 tracks barely freed 6 gigs up.  I still have over 240 gigs free.  Realistically- I could have kept every track and I’d never run out of space for my music.

So yeah, it wasn’t really about the space.  I think I just didn’t want a bunch of crap that reminds me of this or that person hanging around that I’m only going to skip when it turns up in my random, anyway.   Not just with caring about a person’s music because I care about a person, but I was thinking today about how strongly music is tied to emotions.

I always say that a song that makes me cry is a good song.   Normally, it would be because I could personally identify with some aspect of that song.  But a great song, in my opinion, is one that even though I really do not have a real frame of reference, I can still feel the emotions the song is conveying and I still cry to it.

It made me remember a moment when all of these kind of made for a bad situation.   See, my exboss and her girlfriend and I used to hang out most every Saturday.  We’d go to the lesbian bar and then we’d come back to my place and continue the drinking til the wee hours of the morning. We’d generally just hang out, shoot the shit, and take turns ‘playing DJ’.  This particular Saturday wasn’t much different except I was a bit more subdued than normal.   The guy I was seeing then,  we’ll call him K, had been on a bit of leave to see me and was getting ready to leave for Iraq any moment.

So Everything was rolling along pretty much as usual.  Boss and I were sprawled on the couch, girlfriend was on the floor near my stereo,  demanding to be DJ.  “I feel like you’ve been down all night, Lay, and we know you miss K.  We miss him too. You know what? I have JUST the song for you.  It will cheer you right up!”

She rummaged through their shit and makes a big deal of keeping which cd it is a secret, until that traveling soldier song started playing.  In case you don’t happen to be familiar with it, I included it for you.

Ok, I really do NOT like to be around people when I am having an emotional *thing*- that shit is private.  But there I was. This song started playing and suddenly I was sobbing my ass off.  Girlfriend was completely oblivious.  Just smiling at me with this big puppy look cuz she’s so proud of herself.  Instead of joining in on her pride, I got pissed and kicked the puppy. Hard.

” HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND???? What in the name of God would possess you to put THIS song on for me TODAY? *WHAT* exactly about this bastard dying in Vietnam is supposed to CHEER ME UP?”

Exboss was sitting there just kind of looking back and forth at us like she’s watching a  tennis match.  “Srsly, Girlfriend, what was going through your head?”  “I don’t know.. I just thought… Layla always says she would like stuff that we like just cuz we like it and we LOVE this song. It’s so beautiful. Oh MY GOD I’M SO SORRY”  and then she started sobbing, too.

So, yes.  Music can change moods and quickly. Music can make you remember good and bad times.  And getting rid of music that came from people you don’t remember fondly can be awesome!


~ by Layla on October 20, 2011.

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