I Was Flossin’


Occasionally,  I have felt a little nudge to do something crafty, you know?  Learn to knit,  decoupage, decorate a cake.  A million different ideas for me to waste money crosses my mind from time to time.

Mr L has always encouraged me  “oh you should if that’s what you want to do.”    And I did. But something always held me back.  The same thing that has been holding me back for like …ten years or more:

“One Must Always Finish What One Starts”  

OK so like.. about 12 years ago, I did get off on another craft tangent.. I aged things, I painted them, I played with knots.  I even had a hot glue gun!  Admittedly, I never had any sticks of glue, but I was *ready*, dammit.    I can’t remember not knowing how to cross-stitch embroider, it was always just something I did once in awhile.  So no one was surprised when I picked that up again.  I had a couple of books and a couple of hoops; I WAS SO READY.

I did a couple of little projects;  bathroom plaques from little remedial kits.  I was quite pleased with myself.  I was Martha fuckin’ Stewart, FOR REALZ.  The next step was to use the patterns in one of my books and stitch a bit ON SOMETHING.  A dishtowel,  a shirt, EVERYTHING!  I was going to conquer the world with the power of my bad-ass cross-stitching.

So I’m back at the craft store, poring thru the cross-stitch pattern books.  I was going to make my ex-husband something special.  He was all about Marvin the Martian so I had to find the perfect pattern to put on JUST the right item.  I was spazzing over this because I wanted it to be legendary.

But then something else caught my eye and I no longer gave a rat’s ass about Marvin or him.

The Last Supper

This kit was hanging across from the books and it was crazy expensive but I did not care. “Oh my god, look at that!!!! Oh shit!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT MOM WOULD SAY IF I MADE THAT FOR HER? NEITHER OF THE BOYS CAN DO THAT SHIT! I WILL HAVE WON FOR LIKE…YEARS!!!!”  Matt was desperately trying to shift the topic back to Looney Toons (and himself).. “OH but I think we were so CLOSE to finding the right thing…”  But it was too late.  I was no longer feeling him or his shit that needed to be cross-stitched.

I get home with my cross-stitch kit and a big new embroidery hoop.  I will admit to being a bit daunted with the 70 different colors of floss that I could see in the bag.  But I could handle it because I was skilled. (“And besides, how hard could it be?”)   Soon enough, I’m ready to open the bag and get right to it!  I was completely mystified when I pull the muslin out of the bag, expecting to see a pattern.  Instead it’s…just muslin.  Completely blank.  My first thought was just  “Oh.. my kit is broken. My muslin is defective.”

I immediately called my grandmother.   Firstly, whether she chose to participate or not, she knew a lot about most crafts.  Secondly,  I had plans to take her around the next day, so to keep her from throwing a fit about changed plans, I had to prep her with the side trip that we were GOING to be taking.  Once I had explained the problem, she informed me that it was *supposed* to be that way.  “Layla, it’s called COUNTED CROSS-STITCH.  YOU COUNT THE STITCHES YOURSELF.”  “…………oh.”

To this day, I have no idea the procedure one should use to like…do this.   I just flipped over my muslin and with a ruler, figured out dead center.  I then found the center of my piece of paper that counted as my pattern and jumped right into that shit.  Hours  melted to days that turned into weeks.  I was actually accomplishing a lot.  But there was just SO MUCH that it seemed little.

The original intent had been to give this to my mother for her birthday, 2 or 3 months hence.  That did not happen.  So I just rolled with it and turned it into a Christmas present.  Ha. Again, no.  At some point in this endeavor, I realized how long it was taking to get my CREDIT so I had to tell her about this surprise that was going to rock her entire world.  All she did was start bugging me about it. Constantly.

“Will this be ready for Mother’s Day? Next Birthday?  Perhaps we should just shoot for laying it out on my coffin?”

MY VERSION

When I fully lost interest, this was basically where I was.  I had intended to take a photo of my own. The details are fuzzy but I believe there was a drunken possessions purge a couple of years ago.   At the time, I  had also tried to convince my mother that .. we didn’t know. Perhaps the last supper was only actually attended by JC’s  ELITE clique and not all 12.   She did not go for that.

TO refind my original point in all this:  for the longest time, I felt I could not start anything new because I had yet to finish this.   I was a little slow to realize that with this attitude, I was accomplishing NOTHING.

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~ by Layla on May 15, 2012.

One Response to “I Was Flossin’”

  1. Haha that was an awesome post and it is SO YOU

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