Please DO Squeeze The Charmin

A couple of days ago, The Boss and I were discussing toilet paper.  Just because we were reaching the end of our supply, and we needed to order more.  I rarely let any consumed product  run out, but on the subject of toilet paper, I really do not like the office to even run low.

Mr. Whipple

I don’t want to tell you too much too soon, but Mr Whipple is more than just…iconic for me. He is soothing to me.  OK, I do not want it to sound like Mr Whipple is a sexual entity for me. It’s not that at all. It’s more that ..the idea of him soothes a neurosis or two. When one has those childhood traumas that spill over into adult life, Mr Whipple reminds that they do not have as much power as one thinks.

See, I have a brother with some…… bathroom issues. I do not know what they are, actually. And frankly, I really do not want to learn.  All I know on this topic is that he always used like a *full* roll of toilet paper every time he …went. You see where this is going, right? Growing up, we were *constantly* out of toilet paper.

The seemingly endless scramble to find Kleenex or something might have been bad all on its own, but seriously, the embarrassment of having friends over and there being a shortage was a lot worse. A lot of times, my mom would lock the supply of toilet paper in a cabinet. However, knowing that there IS some in *that* closet doesn’t help much when you’re sitting there without and she’s at work.

I think I was fifteen when she put a lock on my bedroom door for me. It wasn’t primarily about the toilet paper, but that I could keep my own supply became a helpful side benefit.  Dawgz had been stashing her own toilet paper in my bedroom for years before.  I can’t tell you how many gag gifts I received of toilet paper as a teen: regular rolls,  AND ONE THOSE BIG HUGE INDUSTRIAL SIZED ROLLS (I must admit that one was funny as hell).

I think I do remember it as worse than it was.  I know it wasn’t like actually a *daily* occurrence, but at the time, it sure felt like it.  But there it is and so I *have* to have toilet paper. A LOT of it. I buy the 24 roll packs for just myself. I don’t care that it’s a lot for just one person.  I need to know it’s there.  And when I’m down to about 10 rolls or less?  I go buy the next pack.

Last week, I had mentioned the diminishing supply to my boss’s wife. She was all “Oh. Yes. We need to keep an eye on that. We would not want to run out.” I smiled at her and said “Oh that won’t ever happen. Trust me.”


~ by Layla on June 1, 2012.

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