Meet Clembough Jenkins

1000 For A Name


The deal-of-the-day site Groupon is offering a most unusual purchase opportunity that is sure to generate attention and controversy. For $1,000, Groupon will name your baby “Clembough.”

Just to be clear, the site is not offering you $1,000 to name your baby Clembough. It is charging you $1,000 for the so-called service.

The article says that 2 people are already signed up.  Ok, I admit that makes me sad. That there will be not one, but two “Clembough”s walking around.  I can’t even imagine it.  Even if I wanted someone else to name something of mine that was going to need a name, why wouldn’t I have them keep it a secret  until I needed it?

I like to think of myself as an excellent namer. I can back up that claim with the numerous family members that have happily accepted the names I chose for their pets.  Hell, my friend Irma let me help name her baby. And unlike Groupon,  I did not charge her a thing!   I can think of many people who should have lined up my assistance for the naming of their children.  I have plenty of relatives and friends with children sporting highly unfortunate names. And just for the record,  hearing “Oh wow.. so unusual”  in regards to a baby’s name : that’s not really a compliment.

I think because I have never really been a huge fan of my own first name, I have spent a lot of time in life thinking about bad names.   So I’m always right up with any website that attempts to stop people from inflicting these atrocities on their hapless offspring.   I visited several sites just today while I was thinking about this and found a whole new pile of names I had never thought of before.   “Hugh Jass”  makes me giggle every time I think about it.

Lame though it may be, I can never resist little jokes of the “Heywood Jablomi” and “Anita Mann”  variety.  A girl I used to be friends with swears that when she was working at a diner, she fell victim to a prank phone call.  The pay phone rang, she was busy and distracted when she answered it.  She listened to the request and then screamed out to the customers  ” I AM LOOKING FOR MIKE HUNT!” in order to give Mr Hunt his urgent phone call.

I would have laughed too hard to finish my breakfast.

I do think, though, on the subject of names, some people should be required to get assistance on their naming.  That same website said that in census records that there have been 70 people named “Greed” and 830 named “Pride” …but no one named “Gluttony.”  I do not believe that, frankly.   It might be “Glutoni”  or “Glahtuni”  But … I bet you a dollar there *is* a “Gluttony Jackson” running around somewhere.

I think that people think if they do not give their children an “unusual” (see how I did that?) name rather than opting for something a little less….extraordinary  (again, not a compliment) , their offspring will be ordinary themselves.  No.  That’s not how it is at all.  Speaking as someone stuck with a name that has nothing to do with her background, her culture, her heritage;  disregarding all those things  just leaves one with a dumb name.

I get that my name is incredibly common elsewhere in the world, but that’s just one more pain in the ass I have to deal with because some names have very definite expectations attached to them.  And when one does not meet them….  So in the grand scheme of things because of geography, culture, and all of that, HERE it’s not common and honestly they could have achieved the same results with a bit more honesty if they had named me Sum Ting Wong.


~ by Layla on June 14, 2012.

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