The Good Scissors

Today, driving home from work I heard an old George Carlin bit for the first time in forever, “The Good Scissors.”  In my house, I really only have scissors. I don’t have a special pair but I remember we did when I was growing up.

When my ex-husband and I were dating, we broke up once for a few weeks.  It was ugly and as it often happens, the family stayed angry longer than I did.  So everything was beautiful with me, but not so much with my mother. She told me “don’t even bring him over here.”

Well we were going to go somewhere once, and I wanted my mom to cut off a pair of jeans for me for shorts so I tell him we have to stop over at the house.  “What am I supposed to do while you do that? She said she didn’t want me around. ”  “pfft. No one cares. Just go get some coffee and then just come in and sit down. I won’t be but a few minutes.”

I wasn’t really aware of him coming back in but I figured he must have shown up at this point cuz she and I had been chatting for a few minutes. And I finally get around to asking her to chop them for me.  “Ok just go in the other room and get the good scissors.”

“Why can’t you just use the ones that you have right there in your night stand drawer?”

“Those are worthless and no good.”

“Why do you keep them?”

“Why do you keep Matt?”  I thought I was going to explode with laughter when she said it as she walked out of her bedroom but then it was even worse when like a second later, I hear him say “Oh. Hi, Dee.”

Of course, she is crazy apologetic “Oh my God, I am *SO* sorry!”

And he was actually pretty cool because he just laughed and said “Yeah.. you aren’t at all sorry you said it, but you’re damn sure sorry I heard you.”

So it’s odd when Mr. Carlin had something to say that I could personally identify with.  But yes,  The Good Scissors.





~ by Layla on September 7, 2012.

One Response to “The Good Scissors”

  1. WHAT A GREAT POST! That’s so funny and so true! I grew up in the South where there were lots of things that classified as GOOD (the good dishes, etc.)…and my mother had the GOOD scissors too. I think she kept the crappy scissors to use for things like opening boxes so as not to dull the blade on the GOOD SCISSORS…either way…TOO FUNNY that your boyfriend became the punch line, of sorts, for a George Carlin joke!

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