A Letter

Dear Hipster-

I started to write “Dear Stupid Hipster,” but I hate to be redundant.  I have a few things I wanted to share with you.   While my opinion of you is low and most know this, that doesn’t mean that I have no urge to help you.  Because I do.

First and most importantly, I know you feel that everything you have to say is important.  And not just to the people you are actually talking to.  You want everyone around you to benefit from your wisdom.  So you talk very loudly so that everyone near you can be privy to the rightness of what you are saying.  You know?  I could almost get on board with you except when you choose to do that during some sort of event that we’ve paid to attend.

Is that startling? That I want to hear the band playing and not you pitching your voice above them to share your views of movies in the late 20th century or what you think about puppies.  The truth is I don’t give a fuck in those moments.  I would actually prefer it if you let me listen to the music.   But, I get it.  I mean, damn, why would ANYONE want to hear a show they’ve paid to attend when they COULD be listening to YOU?  But if you could, please, just hush until a set break?

Secondly, you’re not unique. I know you think you are.  I know you think you are this beacon of coolness radiating out from the masses.  You’re not, actually.  Cuz there is going to be another loud obnoxious fucktard at the next bar, dressed *exactly* like you and spouting the same inane bullshit that you are right now.

And finally, I’m sorry, because I know this might hurt.  But you’re so far from cool that no matter how many patchwork purses you carry or vintage T shirts you own, you’ll never get near that idea.  “Cool” doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks and it appears that everything you do in public is for ‘our’ benefit.

I know, who gives a shit about what I think? I agree.  But just give it some thought.  Truthfully, you may not be able to fix “fucktard” at this point in the game, but you could definitely shrink the obnoxious factor! And all that can do is make the world a better place and lessen the chance that I will snap someday and bury my droid in your windpipe.




~ by Layla on March 29, 2013.

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