A Prison Of My Own Creation


Today’s share is brought to you by the letters “E” and “R” and by the number “10.”

“E” is for “Elevator” and one of them is the special guest star of this story.   “R” is for “Retard” and that would be yours truly.  The number “10” is for how many minutes I was locked in a secure elevator.   But let me ease into it so you get the full effect.

This afternoon was a little slow of my own design.  It was Friday, early afternoon, and I had hit my point of “I’m not going to actually accomplish very much more today.”   I went to smoke and when I got back into the office, I comment to the receptionist and the office manager that oddly, there was a couch down in the secure garage.   I felt it was odd, but the office manager felt it wasn’t that out of the ordinary.  Her thought was that someone was rearranging their office and put it down there in the meantime.  I figured that someone was all on about PRISONER’S RIGHTS and they were making them comfortable as they waited for the bus.

The subject of furniture led me to whining again, as I do from time to time, that I wanted a chair that had arms.  I was the only one in the office that did not have arms and I was feeling a little…inadequate.  The office manager offered to trade me her ‘company chair” for mine.  Her “extra chair” is an office chair. I have 2 just …regular chairs for my company.

She told me to go get my chair and she’d bring out hers.  I go zipping upstairs because I needed to scratch at the back of my chair and pull all of my …shed off it. Yes.  My hair is long enough that it catches on the back of my chair.  I go pulling it out of my office and am turning it around (The plan was, yes, to just carry it down stairs) to begin the descent.  When she pops up at the foot of the stairs and hollers up:

“Don’t you DARE do that. I do not need you to stumble or drop the chair and have you trip over it and fall down the stairs.”    Honestly? I started to get an attitude.  For like.. a second. But then I realized “Ok. Fair enough.”   I know I’m accident prone and clearly everyone I work with does, too, now.

She comes up stairs and is just like “Go back into the file room and take the freight elevator.  I’ll meet you there.  there is a cage over the door with a padlock.  Undo the lock (insert directions on how to do that) and pull the door back and then I’ll meet you down stairs.”

Ok aside so you understand:   There is a mezzanine on each floor. Most of them are not accessible to the public.  The four main public elevators do not even stop on the mezzanines.  However, there are 2 private elevators:  a freight elevator and a security elevator (they move prisoners and things like that on that one)  that do stop at each mezzanine as well as each floor.

I roll back into the file room.  And here is where the crucial mistake happens (though I haven’t realized it yet).  You know how you can see something every day and never really …notice it?  Well that’s how it is with the *freight* elevator.  I guess I did know it was back there.  I saw the padlocked grate and just assumed no one used it.  I sort of just let it slip out of my mind.  I was very aware that the secure elevator was also in the file room, though.

I drag my chair over to *that* elevator and look for the cage. I do not see it but I do not let that hinder me in any way. I hit the button and totally disregard the sign “YOU MUST HAVE SECURE ACCESS,”  and climb right on WITH MY CHAIR.  Because the door opened and let me on.   The door then closes.  The elevator then locks down completely.

I am locked on the security elevator.  I hit “OPEN,” I hit the floor I want.  It takes a good 30 seconds of hitting buttons before I realize  “Dammit.  I am locked in this bitch.”  And I proceed to….wait.  I am waiting for someone WITH clearance to call for the elevator.

As I said, about 10 minutes pass before the elevator starts moving.  I am going all the way up to the top.  About halfway into my trip, I start worrying about what happens if the door slides open and there is a gang of chained up prisoners to get on this elevator.  I am panicking!  Luckily, it was just one of the sheriffs.

A sheriff I know to say “Hello” to.  He just kind of ….looks at me.  And I start babbling immediately  “HI! I know I’m not supposed to be on this one.  And I’m super sorry.   I was told to pull back the cage and I couldn’t find the cage so I thought perhaps this would have a cage inside?”

He still just stares at me and finally  “Uhm… I have no idea what you’re talking about a …cage? Where are you trying to go?”

I tell him and he gives me the little speech about how you can’t use this one unless you have access granted on your badge because it locks down completely.

“Yeah. I realize that now.  After I sat in here for 10 minutes waiting for someone WITH access to rescue me.”

A few seconds later, after having exited the elevator right on the main floor, I enter the office by the front door and have the receptionist and the office manager with their jaws hanging open.   “….Where did you come from?”

I was sad that, yet again, no matter how I smart I am normally, I am reminded that in some things, I am the stupidest person I know.

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~ by Layla on October 4, 2013.

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