No Limits?

I love free stuff. Last night I was so thrilled that I found a new site that offers free stuff. You answer a few questions and if you are willing to accept a little junk mail (or a lot, let’s be honest), you can shop about 7 samples that will come to you in the mail.


I’ve been obsessed with free stuff for awhile. I realized today, though, that I have very little shame in the lies I will tell in order to get these free things. I will say I do or buy regularly just about anything if the free thing is good enough. Some of the lies almost embarrass me. And of course I am going to ‘fess up.

Today….. I claimed that I chew tobacco. It was for a full size bottle of hot sauce for which I designed my own label. Oh hell yes, I’ll CHEW for that. To be honest, that’s one vice that kind of grosses me out. I actually do not feel too bad about that one. Because I bet most of the women who claimed their free gift don’t chew either.

I mean, I am sure there are women that happily do that. I just have never met one. Not sure I want to, really, either. I just have a tiny bit of fear that the chewing police are going to come to my door and insist I take a big pinch. OR BUY THE FUCKIN’ HOT SAUCE, YOU LYING BITCH!

That’s the thing though, the tobacco companies give the best presents. I like …set tasks on my work calendar when I know that Marlborough is giving away a freebie. In the last year, I’ve got a full size bottle of steak seasoning, a flashlight thingy, a personalized bandana, a butt keeper, and a set of darts.

As I sat here typing, I did realize/remember one thing. Evidently, I do have a limit. Or rather, a line I am unwilling to cross. I never ever lie about having a kid. I guess, deep down, I’m a tiny bit fearful God will punish me for that particular lie by making me live it.


~ by Layla on April 16, 2014.

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