Social Networking!

After years of being officially “against” any sort of social networking, I finally took the plunge a couple of months ago and got a Twitter.  In hindsight, I think that was a mistake. Twitter is too easy to use. I got into it quickly. Now that being said, there are several aspects of it I do not understand in the slightest. 

The whole “trending topics” thing misses me completely.  Am I supposed to call attention to any buzz-topics with a #? Or am I supposed to search on that? Am I supposed to care what other people are talking about? Can I *start* buzzwords or whatever?  #vomit, #mysisterisabitch, etc?

When I got a new phone, I decided to branch out with this whole….social experiment. MySpace was not really an option, even though I knew I could do either that or Facebook on my phone.  I also know my shorty has mentioned to me a few times that I should get FB.  I am slow sometimes but I GET IT DONE!!!!

Frankly, the experience frightened me.  I log in for the first time. “HELLO FACEBOOK!!! HERE I AM!!!”  Already waiting for me is “HAI LAYLA!!!! we know that you know Tom, Dick, and Harry! They are here! We also know that you used to know ___, ____, ____!!!” I get that FB  just culled the information from my address book, but does FB get that I’m *LAZY*? Does FB understand that I have people in my address book that I couldn’t remember with a gun?

I don’t think FB realized that I didn’t necessarily want to be reuninted with everyone in my address book. Now, on the other hand, I saw a few people that I would have never guessed in a million years had FB. That made me happy. But honestly, that does not take away the slight feeling of violation.

Here is the other thing about FB and I guess in a way this is good:  Up until FB, I had always assumed that I didn’t give a shit about anyone from High School or “The Past.” But as people started coming up out of the woodwork, as they do, I realized there were quite a few people that I was genuinely thrilled to see.

I don’t want to pretend to you or to myself that there weren’t *plenty* of people that I did not, in fact, give a shit about seeing. But enough people made a dent, that I realized I wasn’t nearly as anti-social as I had thought. I often read things about how technology isolates people and enables them to be disconnected from other people.  Funnily enough, it took complicated technology to find a simpler place where the past does exist and one cares what’s going on with her friends from days past.

A Cashier’s Worst Nightmare

What do you say in these situations?

Years ago, when I did run a cash register, I tried for the “stare off into the middle distance” and not say anything.

I remember once when I was working at that grocery store a girl that had lived in the neighborhood but been home-schooled, a total outcast sort of kid.  I noticed that she had often came to the grocery store with her mother.  That’s not really a big deal, I still often go to the grocery store with my mother.

However, this particular trip with her mom stands out in my mind, 15 years later.  They got in my lane and I start scanning as soon as they start unloading the full basket. Halfway into this, her mother starts shifting shit around and looking through the groceries still in the basket. Without even trying to pretend she was going to be discreet for my benefit, she looks right at the girl and is like “Did you remember your enema?  You better go grab one. We can’t have you *straining* for hours.”

I remember I wanted to fucking die laughing.  I remember being mortified for her. I remember being embarrassed to have been forced into such an intimate moment.  Like…an ear rape.

In the end, her stupid fucking mother seemed oblivious to her major faux pas and just kept puttering around with the groceries.  I rolled with empathy for that poor dumb girl who looked like she wanted to die.  I kept my eyes on the scanner as I checked the groceries, avoided eye contact with both of them, and puttered with anything I could find so the girl would not see me looking at her with anything like pity.

I can’t imagine a more awkward situation in life.

 

 

The Day The Music Died

 

 

Today was crazy. First I hear that Farrah Fawcett died, and OK, that’s sad and all, but not really that big of a deal to me. She was before my time.  However, as I was leaving work and hearing about Michael Jackson, that disturbed me. Listening to every DJ report just as many conflicting stories, was weird. Somehow I feel like Michael would have liked knowing that there was such a commotion over him.

As I was driving, I kept remembering  moments from my childhood, and realized how many of them were sound-tracked by his music. I remembered the Victory Tour and thinking that the world would begin and end at that show. In the end, I didn’t get to go; clearly, I survived, but that was one of the biggest disappointments in childhood.  I remembered fistfights breaking out in the cafeteria at school in 3rd or 4th grade over which song was better, “Thriller” or “Beat It.”  Obviously,  it was “Billy Jean,” but during that strong of a debate, I would keep my opinion to myself. 

I was congratulating myself on being so calm as the radio started playing “Thriller.”  I was halfway through the song when I realized there were tears streaming from under my sunglasses.

I don’t want to put it out now that I didn’t think he was a freak. Absolute train wreck. But somehow, the inherent entertainment of that only added to my lifelong love affair with him and his music. To me, he was the Mozart of our time.

If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with

I think that  I can safely say, he left loved.

Goodbye, Michael Jackson! Your music will never die.

Pick Me Up A Face at Wal-Mart, Kthnx…

Successful Face Transplant?

[Connie] Culp’s was the world’s first near-total facial transplant and the fourth known facial transplant to have been successfully performed to date.

Yesterday, I heard this story on every Kansas City radio station, 2 different television newscasts, and on at least 5 different Internet news sites. Safe to say, then, it was big news. Why wouldn’t it be? A concept that has mostly only existed in Science Fiction (and a Nick Cage movie) is now a fact. Sadly for that poor woman, she did not look as good as Travolta/Cage did after their movie surgery.

“The team of 11 surgeons who performed the operation said Culp, who was missing bone support and had been unable to eat or breathe without a tube in her windpipe, could now perform functions normally”

~~~~~~

“Facial transplants are controversial because they carry heavy risks and are performed to improve a patient’s quality of life rather than as a life-saving operation”

I’m not really sure how the author of the article sees Ms. Culp’s situation as only a “quality of life” improvement, given the description that the author himself provided.  I get the point, it’s not exactly the same as a  heart or a kidney..but come on…

I realize I’m nitpicking at the article as a means of avoiding my own thoughts on this. I worry I am going to have to work  harder than normal to not come across as a bitch. Because let’s face it, ordinarily I do not care.  I just feel badly for her. I mean…she manages to survive her own murder (by her husband, for Christ sake), only to be left looking…like that.

I have to commend her for her bravery. I would not step up like this. I wouldn’t want to live.  I don’t care if that makes me a small, petty, and shallow person. I’ll own those things and keep it real. Her “after” picture is a great improvement, true. Not enough, though, to make it worth it.

And also not nearly enough of an improvement to merit the author bringing up the argument of using this procedure for cosmetic/identity theft purposes. Did he not look at that poor woman?  Clearly, the techniques of this surgery have quite a ways to go before we really need to start worrying about whether or not people will abuse it. At this stage of the method, I don’t see a long line of non-disfigured people jostling to be next in line for this look.

40 Things You Didn’t Know About Me

I found this mememe on Marla’s blog. I just referenced her blog; and since I’m not her fucking publicist or mother, I’m not linking it again!  

1. My uncle once: took me to Atlantic City and we walked on the beach barefoot at midnight. It was January, too.  And cold as all hell.
2. Never in my life:  will I learn to latch-hook.
3.  When I was five:  I became a latch-key kid.
4.  High School was: the  last bit of life that is relatively consequence free.
5. I will never forget: how it felt to be riding in a cab alone in Amsterdam. It was the best “grown up” moment of my life so far.
6. I once met: the ambassador to South Africa.
7. There’s this girl I know who used to always: make her 4th Date Guys watch “Princess Bride” with her, and if he did not like it, he did not get to be 5th Date Guy.
8. Once, at a bar:  the bartender walked in on my date and I ….doing stuff in the women’s room.
9. By noon, I’m usually:  counting the minutes til “Go Home” time.
10. Last night:  I watched a really bizarre Chinese movie in subtitles and had dinner with my brother.
11. If only I had:  an English bulldog puppy, I would have the dog of my dreams.
12. Next time I go to church: I want to wear a big floppy hat.
13. Terry Schiavo:  makes me hungry.
14. What worries me the most:is how fucking neurotic I realize I am whenever I contemplate all the different worries going thru my head at any given moment.
15. When I turn my head left, I see: straight out one of my office windows to a brick wall.
16. When I turn my head right, I see:  the closet in my office where my pants, skirts, jackets, and sweaters live.
17. You know I’m lying when:  I don’t know. I don’t remember the last time I told a real lie.
18. What I miss most about the eighties:  Mickey!!!! He was so fine!
19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: Katerina.
20. By this time next year:  It will have been an entire year!
21. A better name for me would be:  Vivian. (yeah it’s from Pretty Woman…I liked it before that movie.)
22. I have a hard time understanding: why it’s so challenging for so many to be considerate of other people’s time; especially when THEY were the ones that asked for that time in the first place! 
23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: finish my degree and go to law school.
24. You know I like you if:   …If  I have to explain it to you, I’ll probably put you back into the dislike category.
25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: well, that totally depends on the award and how I won.
26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens, & Geraldine Ferraro:  Talented Monkeys, Magic Flutes, Blazing Saddles, & Chick Politicians
27. Take my advice, never: get upset because you were underestimated. No position is more powerful.
28. My ideal breakfast is:  nothing. Eating breakfast annoys me.
29. A song I love, but do not own is:  Opeth’s cover of Alice in Chains’ “Would?”
30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest:  going to have bar-b-q and also hear live jazz.
31. Tulips, Character Flaws, Microchips, & Track Stars: Holland, Hubris,Hitachi, & Hammer
32. Why won’t people:refrain from putting bullshit questions like this on otherwise perfectly good mememe’s?
33. If you spend the night at my house: my cat will kiss you on the lips while you sleep.  She wants to make everyone feel loved.
34. I’d stop my wedding for:front row tickets to see Led Zepplin.
35. The world could do without:any more whiny boy bands lacking discernible talent.
36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:  wear really short hair again.
37. My favorite blonde is:  Val Kilmer.
38. Paper Clips are more useful than:  everything.
39. If I do anything well, it’s:  thinking up the perfect comeback, ten minutes after the moment passes.
40. And by the way:  It’s taken me a week to plow thru this boring ass mememe. But now, I feel like I’ve invested so much time in it…”oh you’re finishin’ it, bitch!”