Ruffles and Bows

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

 I hate awards shows. Well, except one thing. I love to look at the pictures the next day and critique the fashion.  I saw the best site today.  I spent a couple of unproductive hours staring at the pictures and giving my opinions. Yes, The Fashion Police speaks. 

Penelope looks magnificent. I can’t find a single thing to complain about. Hair, Makeup, Dress…it’s all good. The dress is a bit busy, i suspect, but the black makes it all ok. The whole little …flamenco thing just makes me smile. Pedro Almodovar would smile, too, I expect.

Amy Poehler’s scarlet dress is an absolutely stunning color. I am all about it. I think the dress itself, though, makes her look dumpy. The belt slightly irritates me because it makes the dress look like she ran to a fat woman’s clothing store and slapped the belt around under her tits to make the dress wearable.Hair and makeup and idea? High marks.

Hrm. Let me first say I hate this whole “front of our hair just falling out everywhere” thing. That single hair thing aside?  Anna Paquin is fine. I actually like the dress itself. I do not, however, dig the fabric. It keeps bringing to mind Klimt’s “The Kiss” which just does not work for me as a dress. In a different fabric/color? I’d give the dress a straight A. That maroonish color in the pattern would be killer.

 

First of all, the ruffles have GOT to go. Just..no. The white bow at her waist against that horrific color is covered in fail, as well. I like the hair, the makeup, the jewelry. I just think the dress looks like a flashback memory of some long ago prom in the late 90’s.

This is one of those that I’m not entirely sure what I think.  I like just as many things about it as I dislike. Heidi’s coloring allows her to pull off the strange color. I dig the dress itself, although I am not in love with the weird tulle ruffles at the bottom. I feel like a horrible bitch saying this (since I can be, I will just own it and go on) but the bodice leave a little to be desired. Either she needs a little more support, or she needs a little more bodice. In that dress, they should point north, not sag.

Ok, I love Jen Aniston. It seriously breaks my heart to say anything negative about her. But for christ sake, comb your hair. The “just fucked” hair is not fooling anyone. I would have really liked the dress, but the slit is too high.  2-3 inches above the knee would have made the look fantastic. But this just looks like you are trying too hard.

Ohhh. What can I say? Absolute utter perfection. Everything in that picture is perfect. Nothing should ever change. Kate has never looked lovelier. The dress makes me want to cry. Poured into it, yet still classy. Absolute elegance. On a scale of 1-10, Kate Winslet is truly a 12.

 

I am staring at this picture in amazement.  Frankly, I am looking for something positive to say. The only thing I can see right off-hand is that I like the neckline. Other than that, every single detail is simply utter and complete disaster. Patricia, if  I could give you one piece of advice? Fire your stylist immediately. Or hire one. Stat.

I picked 8. There was a part of me that wanted to do it to every single picture.  However, I have a finite amount of time. And you, my lovely readers, have a finite amount of patience to which you are willing to indulge my passion for fashion.

My Mouth Did Good Today

If you know me in real life, you know that I have a tendency to blurt out stuff that is very *wrong* or makes things very awkward and often, I do not even know what possessed me to say it. I wasn’t thinking about it ahead of time? If you know me online, I’m sure this is probably not a stretch for you to believe this of me.

The other side of that same coin, I have this odd knack of saying exactly the right thing at the right moment, often with no idea why I said it.  Often this occurs during a tense moment, and clears the air.

One of those strange moments happened today.  I was at Taco Bell Drive-Thru.  The girl on the order board was incredibly nice (which in itself is odd).  They were crazy busy, so when I finally get to the window, it was a different woman. This woman was older? 60ish, I’d say. She looked very tired and harried. I don’t blame her, I would have been, too.

She had very little to say to me, just told me “hi,” told me my total, and took my card from me. (Needless to say, I approve heartily of that. I’m not looking to chit-chat with the staff when I’m in my car.)  She hands me my card back and is handing me my bag and asks “do you want any sauce?”

This is the odd part. Because really? this is strangely out of character for me:  ”No, thank you, ma’am.”  The “ma’am” part was really weird, I have never been huge about that. I tend to “Sir” to an older man? But I guess I don’t really normally notice or think about women and also it sort of shits me when I am “ma’am’ed” (makes me feel old). I would ordinarily have felt the “thank you” would have been sufficient in the manners department.

Well, the woman just…stopped short and *stared* at me. I thought “oh holyfuck. Here we go. I’ve went and offended this poor woman.”  I think I literally leaned further back into the car seat.   So she takes a second and then says in this voice that I really wasn’t able to put a tone to because I was scared of her: “Now WHY IS IT that I’ve had 40 cars roll thru here in the last 20 minutes and it’s only the *WHITE GIRL* that has the basic manners to walk through life and has a little respect for her elders?????”

Now, I have never claimed to not be opportunistic. And if this INCREDIBLY scary woman wants to think I am my generation’s answer to “Miss Manners,” I am not dumb enough to disabuse her of the notion.  I just kinda tried a hopeful smile and said “I don’t know…raised right?” 

“*THAT* is exactly what it is. You were raised right! Have a great evening” and she gave me the biggest smile. It actually made me smile a little too, even though I thought about this all the way home.

I guess my point is next time I say the wrong thing, bear with me. Soon enough, I’ll say exactly the right thing, too.  My mouth has a mind of its own, I guess.

Tell Me About the Decade, George

2000-2009.  TEN YEARS! That doesn’t really seem possible. The ringing in of 2000 saw me just turned 26. Tossing a husband, starting a new job, and trying out the idea of a roommate (in theory and in practice). 2009 New Years Eve has me sitting at a different job, just turned 36, and no roommate. Driving to work, I was thinking about the deaths, the music, the scandals, the fashion of the  last ten years. It’s sort of mind-blowing, really.

Scandals:  Michael Vick, Michael Jackson, Enron, Tiger Woods, Mel Gibson, Rod Blagojevich, Abu Ghraib, OJ (again), Larry Craig, The 2000 Elections, Hurricane Katrina….

I would like to pretend those all came out of my head. But alas, I had to look up how to spell “Blagojevich.” And with Senator Craig, all I could think was “WIDE STANCE.”  

As to my own scandals: car accidents, pillaging and stalking (btw, I WAS THE VICTIM), tattoos, forgetful men, black strippers, lawsuits, various degrees of injuries, face punches at rock concerts, piercing mishaps, and marijuana (old and tampered with).

Deaths: Heath Ledger, Johnny Carson, Ed McMahon, George Carlin, Michael Jackson, Chris Reeves, George Harrison, Dom Deluise, James Brown, Johnny Cash… Certainly not last and oh ho ho not least, let us not forget Ike Turner!

My father died this decade. As did my godmother, my maternal grandmother, also countless varied and sundry ‘relations’ that I didn’t know well enough to know their name or exact relation to me.

Fashion:  Most of it was ugly, frankly. Androgyne. Hobo-style. Snowboots in the summer. panties doubling as pants and we must all let our gut hang out.

I guess I can safely say that this decade more than any other, I just let fashion pass me by.  Not trying to say that I am typing this wearing tapered jeans and charm necklaces; I have rolled with some of the trends. My jeans are relatively flared. Yes, honestly, it does kill me that tapered ankles are no longer in fashion! Furthermore, yes, I am keeping the god damn things cuz they WILL come back in style and I will be ready and on the cutting edge!

I have lost weight, gained weight, and now am in the process of losing it again. My hair has been almost waist length and it has been above my chin. It started my natural color (some dark color I know longer remember) and has evolved thru every shade of red.

I have changed my mind about ranting about music.  That could easily be a whole other blog post.  All I will say about it is that there has been a lot of crap this decade. I’m sure no more so than any other decade but it just feels like it!

It seems like it goes faster every year in some ways. I don’t know if it is because I am having such a good time or if it is more about the fact that I get so focused on my own bullshit that the world passes me by.  I don’t have a fantastic way to end this one so I will just be trite:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Here’s to a great new decade!!!!

Ultimatums.

Once upon a time, there were 3 girls. 3 women actually who were the best of online friends. We’ll call them Lay, Rae, and Shae. They were a tight clique and it was generally smooth sailing in their little corner of the web.

 Shae was excitable and always up for a fight to right the wrongs she suffered or imagined she saw around her. Lay and Rae generally rolled with her and sang backup for anything Shae dreamed up. Occasionally though,  Rae had her own agenda and that  always took precedence.  Lay was the laid back one and honestly didn’t care about any of it so it was all good. Lay’s role was simply to hit the breaks. When Lay said “ok, enough,” that was it. The fight was over.  In this group, if Lay said “no, we’re not going to.” They didn’t.

This group cruised through several years like this. I am not even sure of the details anymore,  but a new girl showed up. We’ll call her Janet. Lay took a liking to her.  Almost inexplicably, because Lay was never a big fan of women, as a rule. Of course, Lay started bringing her around. And for quite a while, everything was good and  the three became four.  Janet was smart, funny, and always ready to *participate*. To be honest, her wicked wit usually escalated things higher than they normally would have. The other 3 loved it.  I would be willing to bet they made more than one person cry. (Yes, “cyber bullies” would not be misplaced on these bitches.)

Every story needs to a plot, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, I can’t really give you much of one because I don’t really remember.  My conjecture is that it was about a man. Not a big stretch, is it? Most issues between chicks arise because of a man, right?  Be that as it may, Rae suddenly had issues with Janet.  A few words whispered into Shae’s ear had her on board for a NEW fight. The Biggest Fight. “Showdown in the OK Corral” kind of fight.

Shae and Rae pick their moment when Janet was off.  They cornered Lay and were not even original about it. You see what’s coming, right? “Decide right now. It’s her or us.” 

“Fine. Fuck you both. She didn’t ask me to choose.”

It was not long before both of them came to Lay and said they were sorry. It was never the same though.

The End.

Kind of a downer story, huh? Janet and I were talking about this episode recently. I guess you realized this story was autobiographical, huh? Well it was.  And the one upside to the story is that Janet and I still roll.  Truth is though, even if Janet had not been the kind of person that was worth trashing 2 other friendships for, I think I would have made the same choice.

In the ensuing years, Janet has hated more than one person I’ve dragged around.  However, she has never presumed to demand that I get rid of them. In my opinion, a real friend would simply not do that.  I’m not the kind of person that demands the people I dig have to dislike the people I choose to take issue with. So I’ll be fucked if those same people are going to do it to me.

That’s not to say Janet hasn’t made her feelings crystal clear. I am generally very aware of how she feels about those same people. I still crack up at some of the choice nicknames she has bestowed over the years.  I am pretty certain that I have made my feelings just as apparent to her and well..probably you too..  And while I think Janet’s choices are *very* wrong, (I’m just being honest) I am ok to let her make her wrong choices. 

Not A Hand Out..

It’s a Hand Up

For the last 14 years, one of the local radio stations has been doing this “Hope for the Holidays” thing.  From about Thanksgiving until Christmas, they do it once or twice a day during the weekday morning show. Since I generally only listen to the radio in my car, and I have a bad habit of channel surfing, I just catch it when I happen upon it.

The basic  premise is that so often, people just…get in a jam. They aren’t people who are looking to suck the teat of society. They just have fallen down for one reason or another and are having a hard time getting back up. The bitch is that these are the people who generally are not eligible for standard charities and assistance. Often these people are just screwed with no options. That’s what HftH is about.

It works about the way you would think it would. The needy person writes or emails in or someone writes in their behalf. After due diligence, the DJ calls them up on air. He talks to them about their situation.  He finds out their needs and then opens the phone lines. The listeners call in and pledge what they can. The idea is to give the recipient a “hand up” so they can get back to living life again, unassisted.

These stories almost never fail to mist me up, if not full on make me cry.  Sometimes the people are going through such horrific tragedies that I can’t begin to wrap my mind around what it must feel like to be them.  Closer to home, though, are the people whose stories are not much different from mine. “But for the grace of God, that could be me.”

Honestly, I more often cry at the generosity of the people of Kansas City.  Some years, pitching in was simply an impossibility for me. Other years, I decide what I can comfortably do and then just mail it into the station. I do not have the patience to try to call in, so I could never comment on which family/person I actually assisted.  It humbles me to daily witness the people who do try time after time to willingly help a total stranger.

I know.  ”It’s Christmas” and all of that.  But it somehow restores my faith in the basic goodness of most people. This is the local “Hard Rock” station. The demographics are the younger guys and blue-collar people.  In a lot of cases, people who work  hard and sometimes struggle themselves.  I think my biggest (albeit selfish) wish this christmas, is that I *never* need to be helped. But I hope, too, next year I can do more.

Thanks, The Rock and Johnny.  In some ways, you help me every day of this campaign! And I totally forgive you for making me sob like a bitch almost every morning driving to work.